I didn’t get the job. They decided to go with someone who had been at the company longer. I saw that coming because I’ve only been here a little over 3 months, and they definitely voiced their concerns about that in the interview. I’m not terribly upset. I made it to the top 3 candidates out of the 60+ resumes they received so that in itself is a pretty big achievement. But what made it hard was that for the first time in a long time I had seen a clear plan for at least the next few years. And it felt good to have some kind of concrete path. So when I got off that phone call yesterday I felt the inevitable, “fuck, what am I going to do with my life?” question which is something I ask myself entirely too often. And that frightens me.
So I went to the bar feeling completely defeated. It took all the self control I posses to not get incredibly wasted before going on stage, but I did it. I needed a clear head. Then something pretty awesome happened onstage. All my feelings of disappointment, self-doubt, failure, they started to go away. I looked around at my band, all amazing people and so incredibly talented. I looked at the audience dancing and having fun. We were doing that. And I saw clearer than I have in some time that this is what I want to do. I may not have gone to a conservatory but that doesn’t mean I failed. I love this so much. This makes me happy. And that’s all I want for myself, a chance to be happy.
In the meantime, some stability would be nice. And I made it to the top 3 so I must be doing something right. So I’ll keep applying when opportunities arise and work my way up until the day comes when I can live solely as a musician. I mean, we’re playing with bands playing ACL music festival and opening up for The Lumineers. We can’t be that far off right? Shhh… Just let me have this one.